1. Only black or white saddle pads are allowed.
I cannot stress this enough. It's about being profeshunal, people. Just because the page on Dover said HUNTER green, doesn't mean it's allowed in a hunter barn. Common mistake. Don't make it.
|sin!!! sin, I say!!!|
The only time you can divert from this is at shows. Then, you are allowed to school in a quarter zip, but that's it. Also, I'd like to reiterate that if your breeches aren't Tailored Sportsmans, you will be sacrificed to Smaug.
3. Horses may only be bay, chestnut, brown, or black.
- ponies may be any color
- palominos are only allowed if they come with an eq kid
- grays are only allowed if they can also file my taxes
|We could never be *real* hunters|
A continuation of the last rule. Why is this? No one knows.
|Nevermind, I know why|
|There's a Thicc somewhere out there|
This rule was actually recently amended. It used to be "Hair must always be in a hair net and Charles Owen helmet while riding." It was changed because Charles Owens don't get as many likes on Instagram.
7. Your name is Catherine.
Not a Catherine? You are now.
8. There are only three bits: D-ring, Full Cheek, and Pelham.
But you school in a 3 ring elevator. Always.
|I gotta stop posting memes on here|
Listen, I get it; your net worth is approximately $0.06 and half a chicken nugget. But let's face it, you won't place if you're not riding in a CWD with an Ogilvy. It just won't happen, sweaty :)
10. Finally, have fun!
You're spending obscene amounts of time and money to be here. Might as well feel good about it on occasion sometimes.
|Smile through the pain|
Filed Under: bad satire