♣Ambitious♣

A general recap of the past few months is in order here. My trainer does mostly private lessons, and the school horses include some of her own along with some that are boarded. Sometime right at the start of the summer, one of her backup school horses left to join his owner out of state. Then her barrel mare got a suspensory injury. And then days before losing Lucie, Molly's owner decided to send her back to the rescue. That left one horse for lessons, which obviously was not sustainable. I literally cannot believe this beast packed around 5 year olds When Lucie was still actively for sale, I was offered to ride my trainer's old horse, Blackjack, if Lucie ever sold. He was a lesson horse at some point, but he lived with my trainer's mom and was her part-time trail horse. One thing led to another, and he basically ended up sitting in a field, getting fat for a good while. With many sudden changes in the schoolie line up, it was a no brainer to bring him back into work. I hem...

Some more thoughts on Miami and adulthood. featuring a set of rodeo photos that I edited poorly Growing up is a whole lot of "You don't know until you know." There's no worth in beating yourself up for not understanding something that you haven't done before. I've never been 22 prior to being 22, therefore I can't possibly know what it's like to be 22. I miss Maryland. I miss D.C. I miss walkable communities, and free museums, and seasons, and gay bars that I can metro to. When I leave Florida, I'm going to miss Cuban food, and iguanas, and people who seem genuinely interested in creating a variety of affordable housing options that don't enhance racial divides. There's a piece of me everywhere I go. Equestrians are corny. Y'all know which meme I'm referring to I'm making more money that I ever have, and I have more bills than I've ever had. Some day, I hope to not be rent burdened. While we're on money, there's abso...

This post is just gonna be a summary of the video above. It was easier to speak candidly and get all my thoughts and feelings out before trying to write it down. Usually I'm the other way around, but I guess things change with age. Yesterday was my first time going out to the barn since Lucie died. I had planned to still drop by the Monday after, but I woke up that morning and my whole body disagreed with that idea. I distanced that full week and felt guilty for all of it. Both my trainer and the girl I lease with have to regularly go to the barn for work. I've checked in with both of them, but from what I've been told, neither are moving forward easily. To be quite honest, I am not moping or struggling to get through my day, but every time I think of what happened, my chest gets tight, and I distance again. And I kind of hate the term "moving forward" or "moving on" because I don't like the idea that we're just supposed to move past this, howeve...