At thine own pace (pt. 2)

So my first lesson on Destello was, as I said, a lot. Trainer T had me jump him around a 2'-0" course. We knocked just about everything. I felt embarrassed, to say the least.

My second lesson, I was determined to improve. She had me ride him in a kimberwicke because his usual bit was taken. I didn't think it would be an issue, but I noticed immediately that he wasn't as soft, and it felt like I had no gas in the tank. Destello is normally on the sluggish side (which seems to be a thing with mustangs), so having him feel even slower than expected was just . . . uggghhh. That second lesson, Trainer T gave me more feedback on the flatwork, and we began to address the stiffness for a little bit before heading onto the jumping.

The jumps started out fine. We made it easily through a 7 stride line that was an issue during the first lesson. Things were going okay; it was definitely a little shaky and there were still areas that needed improvement, but I was getting over everything. It went downhill when I was heading into a shorter line, and honestly, I'm not sure what happened, but he went sideways, and I barely stayed with him and ended up taking out the standard with my leg. The experience shook me up, and I started crying. Mind you, I'd already had a stressful day at the old job. The stress compounded on the embarrassment, and I felt awful about giving a green horse a bad experience. Trainer T asked me what was wrong. In her eyes, it had been a simple miscommunication between the horse and me. I told her I was frustrated because I've spent years going around 2'-0" courses, and at this point, it should be easy. She responded, "Nothing with horses is easy."

Not sure why, but that struck a nerve (in a good way) that's been firing off with me for a long time. It's difficult for me not a feel like a has-been when I was on the cusp of my riding goals during senior year of high school. I got a lot of my jumping confidence back when was on the IHSA team, but when I was left to my own devices, suddenly I became fearful again.

Some personal stuff happened after that second lesson, and I didn't ride for about two months. Trainer T actually reached out to me and understood that the last lesson was difficult but wanted me to give it another shot. In reality, I'd been meaning to text her for about two weeks. That executive dysfunction hits hard when I'm sad. I let her know that I wanted another lesson, and I came into it with the mindset that I'm learning to jump again. Destello and I cruised around everything super nice. Nailed most of my distances, and hit only a couple of rails.

After the lesson, I let Trainer T know that I wanted to get on a regular schedule with her. I now have a lesson spot at 11am on Saturdays that I'm actually motivated to go to. This is a complete one-eighty from my previous mindset where I avoided lessons at all cost and, frankly, just wanted to be left alone.

Still lots of catching up to do, but enjoy this cute face for now.