Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Unspoken Rules of the Hunter Ring

Ever since I started riding, I've been a part of the hunter ring. It's not an easy sport, and it's kind of difficult to really fit into a hunter operation if you've never experienced it before. So, if you're about to switch disciplines or just dipping a toe into the sport, keep these bits of information in mind. From one hunter to the next, good luck!

1. Only black or white saddle pads are allowed.
I cannot stress this enough. It's about being profeshunal, people. Just because the page on Dover said HUNTER green, doesn't mean it's allowed in a hunter barn. Common mistake. Don't make it.

sin!!! sin, I say!!!
2. Your everyday riding attire will be as follows: solid colored polo shirt (tucked in), beige Tailored Sportsman breeches, a black belt, black tallboots (either Ariat, Tredstep, or Parlanti).
The only time you can divert from this is at shows. Then, you are allowed to school in a quarter zip, but that's it. Also, I'd like to reiterate that if your breeches aren't Tailored Sportsmans, you will be sacrificed to Smaug.

3. Horses may only be bay, chestnut, brown, or black.
Exceptions:
- ponies may be any color
- palominos are only allowed if they come with an eq kid
- grays are only allowed if they can also file my taxes

We could never be *real* hunters
4. Every horse must have chrome.
A continuation of the last rule. Why is this? No one knows.

Nevermind, I know why
5. Your horse's show name must sound like any adjective being spoken in Spanish. A "Z" at the end is optional but not required.


There's a Thicc somewhere out there
6. Hair must always be in a hair net and Samshield helmet while riding.
This rule was actually recently amended. It used to be "Hair must always be in a hair net and Charles Owen helmet while riding." It was changed because Charles Owens don't get as many likes on Instagram.

7. Your name is Catherine.
Not a Catherine? You are now.

8. There are only three bits: D-ring, Full Cheek, and Pelham.
But you school in a 3 ring elevator. Always.

I gotta stop posting memes on here
9. Follow. The. Trends.
Listen, I get it; your net worth is approximately $0.06 and half a chicken nugget. But let's face it, you won't place if you're not riding in a CWD with an Ogilvy. It just won't happen, sweaty :)

10. Finally, have fun!
You're spending obscene amounts of time and money to be here. Might as well feel good about it on occasion sometimes.

Smile through the pain

Filed Under: bad satire

5 comments:

  1. Nice try Catherine but my hunter barn is FULL of grays and my taxes this year still aren't done.

    (But I'm seriously at risk for being run out of the place for my colorful saddle pads {navy, gasp!} and untucked shirt....)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROFL! I can't lie, I kinda fit into a majority of these categories... except the saddle pads and schooling outfits. At home, I love me some color!

    ReplyDelete

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