Keep the calculators handy

So, it's Mental Health Awareness Month! And boy, oh, boy am I very aware of my mental health right now. I took a break from riding and blogging and vlogging because things crashed down on me very quickly. Thesis took a lot of my energy and was compounded with some issues at work. I ended up pushing my presentation back because I emotionally could not get through it.

Honestly? Two days of not doing anything, uhh, helped. A lot. I hate presenting virtually, but some last minute creativity actually made the presentation very easy, and I was happy with the feedback. For now, everything has been completed in order for me to get a grade, but there are some little things that I'll keep working on over the next month or so. I want to give both of my advisors a solid copy to keep for their own CVs. On that note, my non-architecture advisor is super in support of doing a PhD in a different field, which completely shifts what my options are moving forward. More on that when it actually happens . . .

Idk when's the last time I even spoke to my trainer. Mentally, I'm still pretty fragile. I ended up riding Liberty a couple of days ago but genuinely didn't want to do anything serious, so we threw on the Cougar pad and had some fun. I'm definitely due for a lesson. At the very least, I need to talk to Trainer G about what my options are moving forward. Which gets me to the bad news portion of this post.

All of this is through the grapevine, and it's not advisable for me to make decisions without talking with my trainer first. I'm writing this only days after graduation, so by the time this is up, I'm hoping that we'll have already had a conversation. Blackjack is currently out of commission until he can have additional back injections. I am worried about his back long term and debating if it's fair to keep asking him to perform where he was previously. Prior to leaving my trainer's lesson program, he didn't have a sway back. It's possible that being out of work has compromised his back. He's probably just fine to do beginner lessons, but I'm hesitant when it comes to what I would ask of him. Again, just need to talk to Trainer G to get an honest explanation of everything and see what she wants to do.

Satin's owner has also made the decision to scale Satin back to walk/trot only with limited cantering and jumping at my own risk. They've found arthritis in her neck, which makes sense for her age and workload. Her owner also made the decision that I can only ride the horse when owner is present or in a lesson. I'm not opposed to walk/trot lessons. I think this will be a great opportunity to begin seriously working on lateral work and getting the cues and feel down before trying on a more capable horse. I am a little sad because Satin is fantastic and really what I would look for in a personal horse for myself. It is what it is.

From our last ride. I wasn't at my best and decided my break was necessary.
I watched the video and also saw that she was utilizing the incorrect neck muscles.

I'm not actually saddened by any of this. These horses are getting up there in age. Decisions about their long term well being need to be heavily considered at this point. For the time being, both are being treated with dignity. And whatever their status, I'm still shoving carrots down their throats with reckless abandon. What else am I supposed to do with all this new free time?