Sunday, August 13, 2017

Easy Taco Salad Recipe for the Discerning Athlete

And by "discerning" I mean "couldn't cook even with the blood of Gordon Ramsey in their veins".


I tried out this recipe a couple weeks ago after finishing a work out and having no dinner planned. I went straight to the Equestri-fit Group and asked Gabriela for some ideas. She recommended taco salad. I hadn't had Mexican food in a while, so I rolled with it.

I used this recipe as my reference but decided to put a bit of a twist on it. It's easy to make one serving of this, and it's probably decent in the nutritional value things, but I don't pay much attention to all that. Just follow the 20 steps, and you're good to go.

Step 1: Rush to the grocery store directly after riding because you need to get the pictures done for this blog post before your parents return from Turks and Caicos and start asking questions.


Step 2: Venture into the produce section. Avoid buying copious amounts of blueberries while simultaneously losing it at the amount of lettuce options available. Miraculously find shredded lettuce at the end of the vegetable labyrinth.


Why is there so much? Who is buying all this???
Step 3: DO NOT BUY CLIF BARS. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS.


Step 4: Mistakenly find canned chili and conclude that the process of cooking ground beef and beans separately is dumb. Also, you'd probably screw it up because, again, can't cook, y'all.


Step 5: Find tortilla chips. Find cheese. Pick up milk and Greek yogurt because you can at least prepare for breakfast ahead of time.

Step 6: Drive home.

Step 7: Time to start cooking! But first, make sure to put on your "Liked Tracks" playlist on Pandora that plays mainly all the songs you liked from 2012 when you actually used Pandora.


Step 8: Open can of chili. Realize it smells like dog food. Check the back of the can and see that it contains 16g of protein per serving. Remember that you want to get swole. Ignore dog food smell and empty into pot. Follow cooking directions (Sidenote: I do add about 1/2cup of water because this is the chunky chili).

Step 9: While the chili is cooking, sit down at your computer and ignore the open flame on your stove because being a responsible adult is a concept.

it's over there, waaay over there, in the back, open flame, 0 oversight
Step 10: "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes comes on your Pandora. You start to feel lonely. Text your Australian friend Darcy asking for insight.

I was going to have a picture here but her response wasn't PG enough for this blog.

Step 11: Hear chili in pot about to boil over. Dash to the stove and start stirring, ignoring the fact that chili is now burned onto the side of the pot.


Step 12: Reduce heat and prepare other ingredients. I did mine lettuce first, then chili, then everything else on top.


Step 13: As you prepare the other ingredients, consider making a cover of "Wanted" as a way to express your feelings in a productive manner instead of internalizing and trying to sleep them off.

Step 14: After the chili has cooled for a little bit (cause I don't like eating foods that are too hot temperature wise), pour desired amount on top of lettuce. Add crushed tortilla chips and cheese on top.

Step 15: You still with me? Shocking. At this point, you should start looking for Picante sauce. As your search continues, you slowly realize that you live in a house with Africans who don't know how to eat less than a pint of Picante sauce per hour.

All this orange juice and no Picante
Step 16: Miraculously find Picante sauce in the depths of your fridge.


Step 17: Realize that the Picante sauce is the "hot" version which your mom uses for her home made chili and doesn't let you use lest you wanna get beat.


Step 18: Take the L.


Step 19: Record a cover of "Wanted" but get nervous and don't post it because you refuse to let people know that you can sing.

Step 20: Enjoy your delicious taco salad!

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