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Vlog #31: July 2020 (Goodbyes)

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While we were still monitoring Lucie's condition, her other leasor played some music to help keep her calm. "Godspeed" by Frank Ocean came on a couple times, and it felt like the best choice for this month. I'm having a lot of thoughts about how to move forward from this, but I will hopefully have an update soon.

Godspeed by Frank Ocean
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv2yNGkNhZc

Godspeed Ambient Loop by Colin Flynn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljkHRSI4vGQ&t=326s

Virgo Season

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I would make a legitimate goals post, but considering the circumstances, it's kind of not worth it lol.I've just started coming out of a sudden slump that was more frustrating than expected. It wasn't until a couple days ago that I remembered it's Virgo season. I'm always on a high during Leo season, but once August starts to fade away, my mood takes a sharp dip and is very slow to recover. Out of all of my annual mood fluctuations, this one has been the most consistent . . . and somehow, I still forgot after this many years, ha!Safe to say I'm feeling a lot less frustrated and a whole lot more motivated than I was even a week ago. And do you know what more motivation means??? More time for questionable graphic design! I had a lesson on Blackjack a couple days ago, which I promise to write about. It gave me a lot more clarity and focus moving forward with him. The last month has been a little on and off for everyone, so his fitness isn't 100% yet. The rain h…

That Ain't It

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Awe geez; I'm genuinely trying to post fun, happy, pony things on here, but some people are just making that difficult. Boyd Martin recently posted a response to the Plantation Field controversy. In case he suddenly deletes it, here's what it says:First and foremost, I want to be absolutely clear that I am one hundred per cent for diversity and equality in equestrian sports. At our farm here at Windurra I employ people from all different countries, cultures and religions. I have enjoyed training and competing horses with people from all over the world. The issue of race has nothing to do with my problem with EventingNation.com.Being on the board of Plantation Field International, it is my opinion that EN handled their questioning of the name “Plantation Field” terribly. They knew exactly what was going to happen when they pushed for the change just before our premier event, and I have emails to prove it. I am absolutely open to a discussion about changing the events name, but I…

6 Month Covidaverssary: Gifts to get yourself during this extended quarantine

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Y'all . . . half a year. We've been in this since March. Maybe for some non-Americans, things are going alright, but the threat of Covid-19 is still very real here. It's impossible to ignore the clear mental impact that this pandemic has had both on those with and without pre-existing mental health afflictions. Oh well, nothing that a little retail therapy can't cure!To be less facetious, the pandemic has pushed me to reconsider my shopping habits and lean harder towards supporting small/local businesses. Even when ordering food via Grubhub or UberEats, I've made an effort to avoid chains and try food from local places, which basically ended up with me eating too many burritos and drinking way too much bubble tea.I also turned to Etsy not only for cool masks but also some things to spruce up my at home work space and even my anniversary gifts. I recently got an email about the Etsy Design Awards and figured this is the perfect way to help promote small businesses. …

The Horses Were Racist, Too

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I was going to wait to make this next D&I check in until the end of this quarter, but some things have happened lately that I feel are worth talking about.First, in good news, Eventing Nation published the winners of their essay contest. Apparently everyone got a whopping $200 for sharing their stories. To the disappointment of my denmothers, I didn't end up entering because college has warped how I understand deadlines, but I've been scrolling through the 27 essays with both hesitation and glee. After harsh but fair criticism, it does seem like Eventing Nation/Nation Media is taking conversations about diversity seriously. From what I've been reading, there is a genuine effort to understand racism at more than a surface level. It's exciting to see the conversation shift from "We need diversity. Here's a Black person next to a horse," to a discussion about why existing socioeconomic systems factor into the lack of diversity and quite blatantly expose …

Feel Good

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Classes started up again almost a month ago at this point. Long story short, it's been a looong month. I went to the barn a couple weeks ago and just cried for the last portion of my drive because I felt so overwhelmed by work and school and life. It seems like everything is starting to hit now. Memories are starting to actually feel like memories. Lucie isn't coming back. Blackjack and I are still getting to know each other, but it feels like an okay fit for now. I did have a conversation with my co-leasee and her mother, and Trainer G is open to finding a new horse, especially if both of us are still all in to lease. Both of us are genuinely struggling to feel attached to Blackjack. For me, it feels like more of an obligation and getting my money's worth. Even with another horse, it would likely be the same, but I do want to see this kid happy again. I also found out recently that she's very popular on Instagram, and a new horse would be a nice boost to her stats.That…

The Right Cards

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A general recap of the past few months is in order here.My trainer does mostly private lessons, and the school horses include some of her own along with some that are boarded. Sometime right at the start of the summer, one of her backup school horses left to join his owner out of state. Then her barrel mare got a suspensory injury. And then days before losing Lucie, Molly's owner decided to send her back to the rescue. That left one horse for lessons, which obviously was not sustainable.When Lucie was still actively for sale, I was offered to ride my trainer's old horse, Blackjack, if Lucie ever sold. He was a lesson horse at some point, but he lived with my trainer's mom and was her part-time trail horse. One thing led to another, and he basically ended up sitting in a field, getting fat for a good while. With many sudden changes in the schoolie line up, it was a no brainer to bring him back into work.I hemmed and hawed before paying for a lease this month. It made me fee…

365 in 305

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Some more thoughts on Miami and adulthood.


Growing up is a whole lot of "You don't know until you know." There's no worth in beating yourself up for not understanding something that you haven't done before. I've never been 22 prior to being 22, therefore I can't possibly know what it's like to be 22.
I miss Maryland. I miss D.C. I miss walkable communities, and free museums, and seasons, and gay bars that I can metro to. When I leave Florida, I'm going to miss Cuban food, and iguanas, and people who seem genuinely interested in creating a variety of affordable housing options that don't enhance racial divides. There's a piece of me everywhere I go.
Equestrians are corny.
I'm making more money that I ever have, and I have more bills than I've ever had. Some day, I hope to not be rent burdened. While we're on money, there's absolutely nothing wrong with dropping cash on a pricey hobby, especially if it's something that genuin…