♣Ambitious♣

This post is just gonna be a summary of the video above. It was easier to speak candidly and get all my thoughts and feelings out before trying to write it down. Usually I'm the other way around, but I guess things change with age. Yesterday was my first time going out to the barn since Lucie died. I had planned to still drop by the Monday after, but I woke up that morning and my whole body disagreed with that idea. I distanced that full week and felt guilty for all of it. Both my trainer and the girl I lease with have to regularly go to the barn for work. I've checked in with both of them, but from what I've been told, neither are moving forward easily. To be quite honest, I am not moping or struggling to get through my day, but every time I think of what happened, my chest gets tight, and I distance again. And I kind of hate the term "moving forward" or "moving on" because I don't like the idea that we're just supposed to move past this, howeve...

While we were still monitoring Lucie's condition, her other leasor played some music to help keep her calm. "Godspeed" by Frank Ocean came on a couple times, and it felt like the best choice for this month. I'm having a lot of thoughts about how to move forward from this, but I will hopefully have an update soon. Godspeed by Frank Ocean https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv2yNGkNhZc Godspeed Ambient Loop by Colin Flynn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljkHRSI4vGQ&t=326s

I wrote and scheduled this before Lucie passed. Thought about deleting it entirely, but it has good energy, and I need that right now. This is a completely unnecessary post but whaaaa! I wanna baby horsey! I've only hit this point because of a very short conversation that I had with Trainer G about breeding Lucie. Apparently, she considered it after getting ownership, and because there were no horse shows this year, it made sense. Ultimately, she decided to breed her barrel mare, but that doesn't mean that I can't be super obnoxious and make a comprehensive list of every possible, logical match for Miss Lucie. First, let's take a look at the baby mama. Lucie is an 11 year old off-track Thoroughbred . . . and that's all I know, lol. I've never inquired about her race name or competition history. She has done both hunters and jumpers, but I would personally consider her more of a hunter by her movement and attitude. My favorite aspects of Lucie are her bu...

She didn't make it. Her condition was back and forth for the past 24 hours. As we were preparing to put her down, her body gave out. I wish I could say it was a different ending or that she went peacefully, but life doesn't always work out like that. There are a lot of people who loved this horse. I appreciate not having to go through this situation alone.

There's this term in the gay community called "u-hauling." It refers to when two women move forward very quickly in a relationship, which usually leads to them moving in together early on. Hence, the U-Haul part, lol. As a large ball of anxiety who hates sharing my space, I've never been one to u-haul a girl. That is, until a few months ago. The house I moved into last August was an . . . issue. I never noticed the roaches when I toured, but literally the day that I moved in and sat down for dinner, I saw one crawl across the wall of my bedroom. And it was a BIG one. Rashida Roach did not live long, but her mother, father, siblings, cousins, and a whole host of family members were infesting that house. Oh, and did I mention that they crawled on me several times in my sleep? I started having trouble sleeping because I thought I could hear them crawling around the room. Surprisingly, that isn't even the main reason I decided to take refuge elsewhere. For a sh...

Happy Pride!

I've kept my eyes peeled since #BlackOutTuesday to see how organizations, publications, companies, and individuals would actively respond to issues of diversity, inclusion, racism, and equity in the equestrian sport. The conversation certainly lasted longer than expected, and I'm still taken back by the number of companies that have made statements. I am keeping in mind that Black Lives Matter has become profitable. Some anecdotal things I've noticed: Some companies have not made direct statements but have started incorporating minorities into their advertising and costumer features. This can be viewed as either pandering or an instance of "actions speak louder than words." Definitely varies on a case-by-case basis. Horse people somewhat avoided the "token Black person" move and have recognized that diversity applies to ethnicity, sexuality, and physical ability among other categories. Certain entities have continued the conversation while other...